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Dunno about anyone else, but i'm sold!
Posted: 16:36 Oct 01 2003
Nominations: world's worst vampire film
Having experienced a few turkeys in my time, such as "I married a vampire" and "I bought a vampire motocycle", I thought it might be handy to have a thread containing comments and reviews of the worst vampire films that folk have encountered.
This idea was triggered by an independent, South African film called "Reign in Darkness" that I saw this past weekend. I thought it might be a bit of a giggle, as it was supposed to be about a molecular biologist who stumbles on a conspiracy to create vampires using genetic engineering, but -
Oh. my. god.
I saw the entire thing because I truly couldn't believe that such a bad film could have been released, and naively, kept expecting it to improve.
The best parts of the film were interludes when a mercenary reported to his superiors using a setting very similar to that used by Mork from Ork - down to the unseen voices.
The reasons to avoid this film follow, and do contain some spoilers, just in case someone is not deterred by my humble opinion of this film.
1. The acting is so wooden they are at risk from being abducted by Ikea.
2. The script. I don't need to comment more on this.
3. The car chase. Slow, long-winded, traffic free, and ends in an unfilmed "collision" where one car "hits" a wall. To create the illusion of damage, they popped the hood of the car, and filmed from behind. Oh, and there was a bit of dry ice.
4. The pseudoscience. This particularly irritated me. Ok, have a low budget with dodgy effects, but if you're doing a film about genetic engineering at least do a little research! Penicillin and antibiotics have absolutely no effect on viruses.
5. Continuity errors. Traditional vampires can walk away after being shot, but can't breath in the polluted air of the current day, unlike humans who have been able to evolve to deal with it?!
Ok. The rant endeth here. Anyone have any other contenders for the title of world's worst vampire film? I can't have been the only mug!
This idea was triggered by an independent, South African film called "Reign in Darkness" that I saw this past weekend. I thought it might be a bit of a giggle, as it was supposed to be about a molecular biologist who stumbles on a conspiracy to create vampires using genetic engineering, but -
Oh. my. god.
I saw the entire thing because I truly couldn't believe that such a bad film could have been released, and naively, kept expecting it to improve.
The best parts of the film were interludes when a mercenary reported to his superiors using a setting very similar to that used by Mork from Ork - down to the unseen voices.
The reasons to avoid this film follow, and do contain some spoilers, just in case someone is not deterred by my humble opinion of this film.
1. The acting is so wooden they are at risk from being abducted by Ikea.
2. The script. I don't need to comment more on this.
3. The car chase. Slow, long-winded, traffic free, and ends in an unfilmed "collision" where one car "hits" a wall. To create the illusion of damage, they popped the hood of the car, and filmed from behind. Oh, and there was a bit of dry ice.
4. The pseudoscience. This particularly irritated me. Ok, have a low budget with dodgy effects, but if you're doing a film about genetic engineering at least do a little research! Penicillin and antibiotics have absolutely no effect on viruses.
5. Continuity errors. Traditional vampires can walk away after being shot, but can't breath in the polluted air of the current day, unlike humans who have been able to evolve to deal with it?!
Ok. The rant endeth here. Anyone have any other contenders for the title of world's worst vampire film? I can't have been the only mug!
8 Replies and 2489 Views in Total.
i'm anybody else 
i have to put forward The Addiction which is also a vampire film i brought it coz it boasted christopher walken starring in it. So i get ready and sit down for an evening of what i hoped would be interesting movie watching ... i want those two hours back! dagnamit! it was boring, slow, rubbish, and did i mention boring? and master walken was only in it for 5 minutes LITERALLY and that was within the first half hour i was gutted and disillusioned.
do not go near, you have been warned.
i was young when i saw my motorcycle is a vampire i was a huge fan of Boon so got that out and at the time i just found it disturbing, not scary just stupid. lol. the turd scene however was just naaaaaaaaasty.
i do however recommend my best friend's a vampire it's silly, has some very young known actors and a cool soundtrack.
would definitley recommend VAMP (1986) tounge in cheek movie loved every odd moment of it again i was young at the time ... prolly explains a lot about me actually.
(Edited by bipolar 01/10/2003 22:10)
i have to put forward The Addiction which is also a vampire film i brought it coz it boasted christopher walken starring in it. So i get ready and sit down for an evening of what i hoped would be interesting movie watching ... i want those two hours back! dagnamit! it was boring, slow, rubbish, and did i mention boring? and master walken was only in it for 5 minutes LITERALLY and that was within the first half hour i was gutted and disillusioned.do not go near, you have been warned.
i was young when i saw my motorcycle is a vampire i was a huge fan of Boon so got that out and at the time i just found it disturbing, not scary just stupid. lol. the turd scene however was just naaaaaaaaasty.
i do however recommend my best friend's a vampire it's silly, has some very young known actors and a cool soundtrack.
would definitley recommend VAMP (1986) tounge in cheek movie loved every odd moment of it again i was young at the time ... prolly explains a lot about me actually.
(Edited by bipolar 01/10/2003 22:10)
Posted: 22:02 Oct 01 2003 
I'm sure I've seen many, many bad vampire films in my time... Trouble is, my memory's awful, so I can't remember them... I'll have a think though.
Although it does take quite a lot for me to find a film like that really bad. Cos I'm a sucker for them, so even if they're pretty bad I'll like them for the camp factor. Or something.
But anyhoo, My Best Friend's a Vampire I seem to remember as being quite good. And Thankyou to Bipolar for reminding me of Vamp, cos that's a very cool film!
I'm also wondering how long it's gonna take before someone nominates Buffy the Vampire Slayer... I however think this would be unjust as it is by no means that bad. I actually like it, but see my above point and feel free to ignore me...
Although it does take quite a lot for me to find a film like that really bad. Cos I'm a sucker for them, so even if they're pretty bad I'll like them for the camp factor. Or something.
But anyhoo, My Best Friend's a Vampire I seem to remember as being quite good. And Thankyou to Bipolar for reminding me of Vamp, cos that's a very cool film!
I'm also wondering how long it's gonna take before someone nominates Buffy the Vampire Slayer... I however think this would be unjust as it is by no means that bad. I actually like it, but see my above point and feel free to ignore me...
Posted: 04:27 Oct 02 2003
I guess there should be two categories; one for the entertaining but naff and cheesy type (e.g. My Best Friend's a Vampire, Love Bites, Night Life) and one for the ones that are an utter waste of time.
Posted: 21:33 Oct 02 2003
I submit 2 films:
Cold Hearts - The acting's terrible. The storyline's worse. The people aren't even very pretty
Embrace of the Vampire - Martin Kemp's terrible Transylvania-esque accent, Alyssa Milano's terrible acting, the film's terrible storyline
Cold Hearts - The acting's terrible. The storyline's worse. The people aren't even very pretty
Embrace of the Vampire - Martin Kemp's terrible Transylvania-esque accent, Alyssa Milano's terrible acting, the film's terrible storyline
Posted: 21:53 Oct 02 2003
Seven Brothers Versus Dracula - A Hammer/Shaw Brothers production which attempted a combined kung fu/vampire movie with Peter Cushing as Van Helsing tracking Dracula down in China where he's revived a group of Chinese vampires. Truly dreadful and horribly disjointed but, oddly enough, there was a differently edited version called Legend of the Seven Golden Vampires (ISTR Seven Brothers was the US version, Legend was the UK one) which actually wasn't too bad, just a bit, well, odd...
Posted: 16:19 Oct 17 2003 
Oh yeah. I saw it when it first came on the satellite movie channel simply because of the title. Man, it was so dire I missed much of season 1 because I thought that, if the film sucked that badly, just how awful must a TV series based on it be?!? Oh well, live and learn...
Posted: 02:45 Oct 18 2003