Bulying's a hard one.
How old is your neice? If she's young, like 5 or 6ish, then yeah, that approach will work, but later on, parents getting involved NEVER helps.

She's 6.

What age group are we talking about?

Doesthe niece have friends who will stick by her?

Is she prepared to chance toughing it out until the bullies turn their attentions elsewhere?

Do the ringleader's parents give a damn what she does?

In my experience there will always be bullies and bullied people. When in Rome, don't be a Christian.

Okay, so she's six, which means the kids can easily be scared. But also, kids are just cruel, always have been. Most people get bullied at one point, or another.

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by ..
Doesthe niece have friends who will stick by her?

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No. when the ring leader isnt about, they are fine with her. then this gilr comes in and stpe them playing with Ellie. There are only 8 kids in her class so she doesnt have a large "pool" of people to choose from.

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by ..
Is she prepared to chance toughing it out until the bullies turn their attentions elsewhere?

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She's willing tostay at the school but she wants things to improve. on bad days she wants to leave, on good days she says she'll miss everyone.

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by ..
Do the ringleader's parents give a damn what she does?

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They dont know. her parents are never seen. they dont pick her up, they dont attend any social functions at the school. the other mums agree that the treatment of ellie is wrong and have tried speaking to their kids. those kids arent the problem though.

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by Jango
Is she prepared to chance toughing it out until the bullies turn their attentions elsewhere?

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She shouldnt have to tough it out while they turn their attentions elsewhere.

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by Jango
In my experience there will always be bullies and bullied people. When in Rome, don't be a Christian.

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People certainly dont chose to be bullied and that remark is absolutly terrible, were you bullied?

Cat Personally Ithink you did the right thing if the school isnt doing anything

Cat I totaly think you did the right thing if the school arn't doing anything.

When My kids first started school they went through the usual bullying , after months of my son coming home from school with bruises and the school not doing anything about it , I told my son to start standing up for himself , I told him that if he was hit to hit back , I told him that although being hit hurt him it would also hurt the bully, I also told the school what I had told him to do.
After a few days the bullying stopped , as like with anything bullys have power only when people don't fight back. It's something I never thought I would tell my children to do , but after seeing how sad , upset and scared he was it was the only way.

My children are fully aware that if they hit back they will get in trouble with the school , but they will never get in trouble with me for standing up to bullys.

No, I was a bully, but fair play to Cat for giving her niece freedom

Cat - you were well within your rights to tell the bully to stop her behaviour!

I'd certainly do the same if Georgia was in that position (and thankfully I have a little while yet before she starts school), but even then I'll teach her to stand up for herself.

Bullies pick on what they think is easy prey - if your niece stands up for herself now by shouting at the Bully or hitting back if she was hit first then I'm sure it'll stop.

Thanks guys

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by Jola
Bullies pick on what they think is easy prey - if your niece stands up for herself now by shouting at the Bully or hitting back if she was hit first then I'm sure it'll stop.

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I've told her time after time. the problem is, while she even takes katate, she's just too nice to hit back. she'll "train" with me but she wont even hit me if i tell her to! She stands no chance of hitting them back. it's not in her.

the worst thig is, i went to the same school. back then any bullying would have been delt with like that! *clicks fingers* the head mistress would have stopped it as soon as she knew. i hated her but she did run a good school.

The head has changed tho and this one is all softly, softly!

if only the teachers had threatened to go to her mother, i doubt i would have had to do it. but they didnt.

the ringleader is also black and i'm not left wondering if they wont do anything for fear of being labled racist.

whatever, i have to face the teacher tomorow morning. And if she has anything to say about it she'll have a piece of my mind!

I think you did the right thing. This is something that both scares and angers me, i was bullied, i still remember it 20 years later. Joel is vulnerable because of his disability and he is due to go to middle school in September 2003 and i am having kittens that if he's integrated into mainstream, he'll be bullied.. (and God help anyone who bullies my son) Though it seems as though at the moment, his psychologist thinks he won't cope with a complete integration... but i digress...

Have you spoken to the headmistress personally?.. is there any way you could take this further.. (like someone in more of a position of seniority.. like someone in your local education department?).

What about talking to the bullys parents?..

Best of luck to you Cat, i hope this situation is sorted out really soon *hugs*

Seems pretty clear to me you did the right thing Cat. Hope it all works out well.

Defginately the right thing to do in this situation.

Most schools nowadays just don't know how to handle bullys. When I was a school I was bullyed non stop for two years by two seperate groups of people. One group was lead by one of the - in the teachers eyes anyway - goody two shoes of the school. None of teh teachers were prepared to believe that anything hse did was that bad. The other gruop were the 'social undesirables' of the school, nothing was done about that until teh ringleader came into school with a screwdriver off her head on drugs and tried to stab me.
The bullying didn't let up for me until i got gobby back and responded when challenged.

The school hasn't improved since - My brother has had constant problems because he has dispraxia and has troubles with balence (i.e. no good at sport), organisation (i.e. always in trouble with teachers over homework) and has slight behavioral problems. Because he isn't a model pupil the teachers think he brings the bullying on himself and haven't done anything for 5 years despite constant badgering by my mum.

Thankfully my brother is going to college next year and as most of the bullys probably won't even pass their GCSEs then he'll be ok.

At 6 years old the fighting back isn't really appropriate and i really feel that you did the right thing - In fact I did the something similar with my 10 year old sister and her friends and it worked.

Hope it all works out for you Cat

schools are useless, well i always found that when i was at school, nothing was ever done. parents i think are the best way, however when that happens sometimes it makes the bullys more angry and makes it worse, i jsut had to cope with it when i was at school, but i was older. as she is only 6 maybe the best way is for you to contact the bullys parents, they could either be co operative and have a word or they could be protective of their child, but a child will often listen to its angry mum or dad.

I think you did the right thing Cat, and I really hope it all works out for the best as I cant stand bullying, having been there myself. Give your neice a hug for me!

My niece is also being bullied or should I say was! The school were doing absolutely nothing about it as 'they never see it go on' My neice carla was coming home in bruises, money taken, when we resorted to packed lunches to stop money being taken, her dinner was thrown about by the 'bullies'. My sister was so upset and to see her cry about her daughter and there being nothing she could do, I took it upon myself to sort it. Now I know that what i'm about to say is going to get alot of people up in arms and hear all the usual 'violence breeds violence' but in some cases the bullies are being violent because it's all they know, i.e, if they don't get there own way, lash out, whether this is due to being spoilt and parents not correcting their young, when they want or take a toy from another, or whether it is down to smacking their children in order to correct them, I do not know. (At this point, I would like to add that although I do not smack my own, I have done in cases of sheer fright, i.e my daughter ran into a busy road, and terror made me lash out, what I am trying to say is that some people and i've witnessed it with my own eyes, do smack and ball at children un-nessisarily, and maybe the children act in the playground the only way they know how) Anyway i digress, the school did nothing, and my sis was in a state, so I took it upon my self to interfere. I did exactly what you did , Cat but I took MY daughter to the school, (my daughter is 14, the bully was 7) I know, I know, BUT I queitly pulled her to one side and politely told her that I would now be watching her and if I see her picking on Carla or anyone for that matter, I was going to let my daughter (Frances) get her, (whilst Frances was stood there giving her , her meanest dirty look) I said that frances didn't like people hurting her cousin. And I swear to this day it's never happened again. My biggest obstacle was the Mother, who swore her daughter had done no wrong, and that if Carla was going to take it, then her daughter was going to give it. I told her in no un-certain terms that in that case 'so was my daughter then' and there was absolutly 'jack' she could do about it. Now I know alot of people are going to say that's not the way to solve it, but after everything we did, that Worked.

Mishelisa, for what it is worth, I think the priority should always be your own family and friends. You can't stop that bully's parents bringing her up wrong, but if you can stop her bullying your kids, or your family, then I say more power to you.

As long as the children know they should only use violence in self defence, and don't feel they need to use violence to get attention, then I see no foul. Good on ya!

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by Mishelisa
Now I know alot of people are going to say that's not the way to solve it, but after everything we did, that Worked.

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Bullying is difficult to deal with. I see nothing wrong with what you did - it was the threat of violence not actual violence for a start and in nearly all cases this is enough to scare the bully away whether it comes from the victim or someone else.

I say well done Mish

Well, it appears to have worked

they were all nice to her today and the ring leader looked very sheepish at the birhday party they went to this evening.

Needless to say, her dad hasnt rung up to congratulate me. But he did take it upon himself to appologise to the teacher for me.

Well Ha ha. My way worked, yours sucked

*cat does dance of joy*

Thanks for your encouragement guys