My two best mates are Muslim and Sikh, so I hear alot of feedback from them.

Neither of them want an arranged marriage, and they both arent having one, but the Muslim said that if her family made her, she would do it.

Personally i think it's a nice idea, as long as the two people of the couple are willing and no one is forced into anything

I suppose it could a bit like that telly program? The one where the friends/family of someone match them up? As long as there isn't any pressure involved then it sounds like a bit of a blind date type affair, that sometimes works
/me will quit rambling now

I can't say too much on this topic as I am worried about posting one of my closest friends problems (although no-one here knows her I feel a little awkward talking about it without her permission)

I have a friend who is a Muslim, she was entered into an arranged marrage at 16, she was fed a story that the man they arranged for her to marry who was in his 30's would face a possible execution if he was deported back to her parents country for carrying a message whilst in the army during a coup. They used that so she would not go against them.

After the cermony her family wanted to witness the consumation as a tradition, she managed to get them to leave.
A couple of years later, she got out of the marrage and started university. Her family disowned her, she managed to make some contact with some of her sisters as they also ended up at a distance.

She met a guy at university who slept with her (a one night stand) and it was different to her "husband" who did not consider her wishes on such isses and felt it was his right. She has spent years in counciling, drinks lots and is looking for love, it messed her up badly, she sleeps with guys then will get angry with them often within a week and the cycle repeats itself.

Since then she has failed her degree even though she is very intellegent(hopefully will be allowed to retake units) this was as she needs to go out drinking and being with people when alone. She already reapeated a year. She has had one guy who wants to stick by her and always comes back, but she goes through a loving him when apart and is very confused by her feelings, unfortunatly unable to commit to the him when togther, despite the fact that he wants to marry her and even offered to become a muslim to try and placte her family. Whenever I speak to her she has either just broken up with him or just got back together with him.

The arranged marrage has done damage to her emotionally, it has effected her entire life.

I hope I have done an ok thing by posting, feel very guilty as it may be too specific.

(Edited by Gopher 10/09/2002 20:37)

I've seen a side of it from a lass at work, and it's made me completely against the idea of it.

Rizwana has become fairly "westernised" but has been forced into an arranged marriage, to someone ahe has met once in 2 years as he lives in Pakistan.

She was seeing someone over here who she was falling in love with, and has made it very clear to us that she was dreading her marriage (it's been quite upsetting as she's been crying over the whole thing).

She will be expected to carry his children although she doesn't want him to even touch her, and I think it's all incredibly unfair. She told a good friend of hers the day before she flew out there how she was more scared than she has ever been in her life (and that's not like general wedding day nerves...)

Some of the Pakistani men at my work have expressed their disgust at what's happened to her, and said they would never think of putting their kids through that.

All in all, I think people should be free to fall in love and be with the person they choose, whatever culture or religion they belong to.

Two of my uni friends have situations similar to this. One of them (i still cant spell her name after 3 years of knowing her!) comes from a strict family who wanted their daughter to go to uni etc, but at the same time they want her to go into an arranged marriage. She feels ok about this as her sisters have had them and they have been happy. The other, well her family is way more western and she has had several proposals but turned them all down as she didn't like the guys. Her parents were ok with this as he wants to see her happy.

On the one hand i'm against arranged marraiges but then again the guy at the paper shop across the road got into an arranged marriage at the age of 17 and now at 30 (ish i'm not to sure) he's still happy. So maybe's they can turn out allright in the end.

---

by misskittyfantastic

All in all, I think people should be free to fall in love and be with the person they choose, whatever culture or religion they belong to.

---

Ditto

I think it takes away your right to choose. If you don't have that, what's left?

I have known friends from school who ran away from home and were disowned by their family and community because they didn't accept an arranged marriage. I have known women who were hunted down by their brothers, beaten and dragged back home to violent husbands from arranged marriages.

Yes, most arranged marriages work out fine. But too many don't. If both parties are happy to accept the marriage, then fine, but no one should be forced.

Basically, I'd say the problem isn't arranged marriages, per se, but forced marriages, and the stigma that can surround refusing an arranged marriage.

I agree with Jayjay here. Nothing wrong per se with an arranged marriage as both parties agree.
As for my personal opinion well my own parents arranged marriage went horribly wrong so i guess i'd be more against it than anything else to be honest.