I swear it's just Karma, but on Tuesday night the Powers That Be saw fit to inflict the world's worst ear infection on me Within 36 hours it turned from a little ache to an ear infection, an inner ear infection and a swollen ear canal - how attractive that all sounds

I'm now on ear-drops, antibiotics and big, massive, pink, torpedo sized painkillers. I'm completely deaf in my left ear and I'm spending most of my day spaced out on painkillers with my head on a hot water bottle.

A few people have tried to call me in the last few days, so I apologise for not answering. The ring tones all hurt my head so the phone is on silent, even if I did hear it I wouldn't answer 'cos I can't hear you anyway Text me, email me or try telepathy otherwise I'm out for the count.

I'm going back to bed with my hot water bottle