awwwww hun
i really wish you were having a better time at uni!!
glad that you're not letting the breakup get you down too much. hope you have a good time on sat. i'm sure things will go great. let me know. i need my gossip!!

I too have been dumped, started seeing someone, was not single for the first time in ages, then she went back home for a weekend, came back told me she got engaged to her ex boyfiend who she broke up with before starting university and had been telling me that he seemed to be acting as though they had not broken up, then after a tense week of her contacting him to call it off, then being convinced to change her mind, now they do the commute every weekend taking it in turns to visit each other.

She keeps on saying I should find it easy to find someone but I was single for 14 months before her and never meet anyone who is after a relationship.

It can be real bad if you get dumped because of distance,I spent 7 years trying to get over someone who dumped me because of "distance" from the first time I went to university, then when I told her that I was still having problems getting over her she suddenly told me if it had been distance she would have at least given it a try and got freaked that I still had strong feelings for her after all that time. She then started talking about how "everyone knows relationships before university did not matter".

Don't make the mistake I did, it may be hard to move on but you will have too, there are lots of people around, just find someone else, remain friends with your ex but move on. If you don't you will end up getting seriously eaten up inside.

(Edited by Gopher 18/10/2002 17:48)

Awwwwww hun So worry to hear that thing's aren't working out so great I'm finding the work here really hard and am wondering whether I actyually had any ability in English as it all seems to have abandoned me know

You know where I am if you want to chat

*huggles*

distance break ups are always hard because you can't tell yourself it's because they didn't want to be with you anymore.

But they're also really hard to maitain as well. So it may work out for the best because you're free to find someone nearer to where you are.

Don't worry hon, I'm sure it will all work out

It might be easier to break up with someone over distance than them not wanting to go out with you anymore. With a distance breakup you can blame it on circumstances and not feel so totally abandoned, and use it being an unaviodable result of the changes in circumstances causing the distance as a safety blanket.

(Edited by Gopher 19/10/2002 16:30)

i hate uni! i don't even go yet lol
i can't even begin to list the amount of people i've known who have had relationships ruined because of going away to uni heh, its just a bit crap....i know lots of people who've been very hurt
myself....well, same as, at the moment someone going to uni is breaking my little heart heh
sigh.

Well this weekend was just peachey!! (i'm still working on sarcasm in print!!)

I went to role play at my mate Ross's house where I've gone for the past 6 months every weekend with my boyfriend and his mate and a few others. Everything was normal, we chatted, hugged, did the usual, 'you been ok then?' speech........or so I thought!! you see what I neglected to tell you all was that my new 'interest' is my ex's mate who I role play with.

Everything was going ok till this morning came, me and this guy basically decided to give it a go, then my ex left and sent me a text when he got home to say he wasn't very happy with me or his mate, we'd stabbed him in the back and been cold and nasty to him!! All weekend I acted as I always do, the only difference was I was single and his mate and I like each other (it's no big secret, we always have!!)So I didn't change the way I was round everyone (apparantly the whole group saw me and his mate getting together a mile off!!)

So I phoned him and he gave me an ultimatum:

give up his mate and have them both as friends or
go out with his mate and he leaves role play and his mates forever!! which ever way I do that I end up with a sucky deal really and I loose something I really want!!

Then we talked some more and he said he wants what's best for me, he still loves me!! so he'd still go to role play and try to deal with me and his mate!! It'd just take a bit of time!!

Now i'm in the process of talking to him on MSN!! he's a lot calmer now and is taking everything a lot better!! which is good!! I think he realises that i'm not trying to hurt him on purpose now and that I can't choose who I like!! We are actually talking like the friends we used to be!!

However........this has still been another weekend from HELL!!


Update: After a bit more discussion on the topic, my ex now wants me to wait until after christmas till i go out with this guy so he can get over me!! Don't get me wrong, i love my ex and getting over him has and will be hard, but now i've got this wonderful guy who likes me too and I can't do a thing till after christmas!! I know I shouldn't let him tell me what to do but I really don't want to hurt him anymore!! *Stress*

(Edited by Dru's Dead Bird 20/10/2002 19:17)

(Edited by Dru's Dead Bird 20/10/2002 19:24)

Hang on, so basically, He dumped You, but wants You to wait and not get on with your life while He deals with what He did when He finished the relationship?

I think you should do what you want and get on with your own life, he's just being selfish and jealous.

I agree with Redwitch entirely, his attitude is weird as he dumped you, saying he wants you not to go out with anyone as he wants time to get over you is nuts and controlling. What does he think his mate is, if he likes his friend and wants what is best for you he should be happy as surely that means at least it means by you going out with one of his friends that you are not going out with some total (colourfull expletive removed) prat who is out for himself.

Even when one of my exes's dumped me citing the distance reason a long time ago, at least I was happy that she was going out with one of my friends after (names witheld as he has a log in on T21). Admitedly it took me a very long time to get over her though, and she then said that she felt she must have done the right thing as when they started going out I gave no reaction, but that is another topic.

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by Dru's Dead Bird
Update: After a bit more discussion on the topic, my ex now wants me to wait until after christmas till i go out with this guy so he can get over me!! Don't get me wrong, i love my ex and getting over him has and will be hard, but now i've got this wonderful guy who likes me too and I can't do a thing till after christmas!! I know I shouldn't let him tell me what to do but I really don't want to hurt him anymore!! *Stress*

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DO NOT listen to the ex!!!! I was in a similar situation with one of my exs - He dumped me and started seeing another girl a month later. He was also two timing her with someone else. But when after being alone for three months I copped off with a guy in a nightclub. According to the ex I was being a slut and should have waited until he was over me *shrugs* I can almost guarentee that he wouldn't grant you the same courtesy if he had another girl to distract him.

At the end of the day he has dumped you and has to accept the concequences of that. As much as you care for him you have to look out for yourself .

Do not listen to the ex. He just doesn't want you to have anyone else cos he can't have you. Cut all contact with him!

Hope your doing good. Keep your head up high, ignore the ex!!

Thanks for all your advise guys!! you're all right!! I should forget him and his attitude and get on with what I want!! It may be a bit harsh but he has to get over himself, never mind me!! Anyway, i'm not gonna stop being his mate, he still means a lot to me, but he just has to understand that I can't stay single forever!!

The worst bit is, he sent me a text last night while drunk that said he misses me loads and wants my company!! grrrrrr, how dare he!! he gave me up and that's that!!

I also spoke to new guy (his mate) and I told him about the waiting till after christmas thing and he said it depends on how my ex acts to what we do, if he carries on being an idiot then we won't wait but if my ex actually wants to be sensible then we will wait!! His mate said it made him feel really wanted that I said i'd wait till after christmas if he wanted to!! Which made my day!!

(Edited by Dru's Dead Bird 22/10/2002 23:53)