Hangover Ratings
1 star hangover

No pain. no real feeling of illness. You slept in your own bed and
when you woke up there were no traffic cones in there with you.
You are still able to function relatively well on the energy stored
up from all those vodka redbulls.
However, you can drink 10 bottles of water and still feel as
parched as the Sahara.
Even vegetarians are craving a Cheeseburger and a bag of fries.

2 star hangover
No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay but
you have the attention span and mental capacity of a stapler.
The coffee you hug to try and remain focused is only exacerbating
your rumbling gut, which is craving a full English breakfast.
Although you have a nice demeanour about the office, you are
costing your employer valuable money because all you really can
handle is some light filing, followed by aimlessly surfing the net
and writing junk e-mails.

3 star hangover
Slight headache. stomach feels crap. You are definitely a space
cadet and not so productive.
Anytime a girl or guy walks by you gag because the
perfume/aftershave reminds you of the random gin shots you did with
your alcoholic friends after the bouncer kicked you out at 1:45 am.
Life would be better right now if you were in your bed with a dozen
doughnuts and a litre of coke watching daytime TV.
You've had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, 2 Sausage Rolls and
a litre of diet coke yet you haven't peed once.

4 star hangover
You have lost the will to live. Your head is throbbing and you
can't speak too quickly or else you might spew.
Your boss has already lambasted you for being late and has given
you a lecture for reeking of booze.
You wore nice clothes, but you smell of socks, and you can't hide
the fact that you (depending on your gender) either missed an oh-so
crucial spot shaving, or, it looks like you put your make-up on
while riding the dodgems.
Your teeth have their own individual sweaters. Your eyes look like
one big vein and your hairstyle makes you look like a reject from a
second-grade class circa 1976.
You would give a weeks pay for one of the following - home time, a
doughnut and somewhere to be alone, or a Time Machine so you could
go back and NOT have gone out the night before.
You scare small children in the street just by walking past them.

5 star hangover
You have a second heartbeat in your head, which is actually
annoying the employee who sits next to you.
Vodka vapour is seeping out of every pore and making you dizzy.
You still have toothpaste crust in the corners of your mouth from
brushing your teeth.
Your body has lost the ability to generate saliva, so your tongue
is suffocating you.
You'd cry but that would take the last drop of moisture left in
your body.
Death seems pretty good right now. Your boss doesn't even get mad
at you and your co-workers think that your dog just died because
you look so pathetic. You should have called in sick because,
let's face it, all you can manage to do is breathe ..... very
gently.

6 star hangover
You arrive home and climb into bed.
Sleep comes instantly, as you were fighting it all the way home in
the taxi.
You get about 2 hours sleep until the noises inside your head wake
you up.
You notice that your bed has been cleared for take off and is
flying relentlessly around the room.
No matter what you do you now, you're going to chuck.
You stumble out of bed and now find that your room is in a yacht
under full sail.
After walking along the skirting boards on alternating walls
knocking off all the pictures, you find the toilet.
If you are lucky you will remember to lift the lid before you
spontaneously explode and wake the whole house up with your
impersonation of walrus mating calls.
You sit there on the floor in your undies, cuddling the only friend
in the world you have left (the toilet), randomly continuing to
make the walrus noises, spitting, and farting.
Tears stream down your face and your abdomen hurts.
With your stomach totally empty, your spontaneous eruptions have
died back to 15-minute intervals, but your body won't relent.
You are convinced that you are starting to turn yourself inside out
and swear that you saw your tonsils shoot out of your mouth on the
last occasion.
It is now dawn and you pass your disgusted partner getting up for
the day as you try to climb into bed. She/he abuses you again for
trying to get into bed with lumpy bits of dried vomit in your hair.
Work is simply not an option.
The whole day is spent trying to avoid anything that might make you
sick again, like moving.
You vow never to touch a drop again and who knows for the next two
or three hours at least you might even succeed.

OK, now hands up all those who have never had a six star hangover!!

Thought so!!


Ps I had number 6 once and never ever ever ever again ( whos round? )