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Aw well, Wal Mart are always hiring.
Posted: 23:38 Feb 04 2004
Dubya Bush resume
This would be funny if it wasnt true...
This would be funny if it wasnt true.
Scary scary stuff
<lj-cut text="resume">
George W. Bush
The White House, USA
EDUCATION AND EXPERIENCE:
LAW ENFORCEMENT
I was arrested in Kennebunkport, Maine, in 1976 for driving under the
influence of alcohol.
I pled guilty, paid a fine, and had my driver's license suspended for
30
days.
My Texas driving record has been "lost" and is not available.
MILITARY:
I joined the Texas Air National Guard and went AWOL. I refused to take
a
drug test or answer any questions about my drug use. By joining the
Texas Air National Guard, I was able to avoid combat duty in Vietnam.
COLLEGE:
I graduated from Yale University with a low C average. I was a
cheerleader.
PAST WORK EXPERIENCE:
I ran for U.S. Congress and lost.
I began my career in the oil business in Midland, Texas, in 1975. I
bought an oil company, but couldn't find any oil in Texas. The company
went bankrupt shortly after I sold all my stock. I bought the Texas
Rangers baseball team in a sweetheart deal that took and used taxpayer
money.
With the help of my father and our right-wing friends in the oil
industry (including Enron CEO Ken Lay), I was elected governor of
Texas.
ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS GOVERNOR OF TEXAS:
I changed Texas pollution laws to favor power and oil companies, making
Texas the most polluted state in the Union. During my tenure, Houston
replaced Los Angeles as the most smog-ridden city in America.
I cut taxes and bankrupted the Texas treasury to the tune of billions
in
borrowed money.
I set the record for the most executions by any governor in American
history.
With the help of my brother, the governor of Florida, and my father's
appointments to the Supreme Court, I became President after losing by
over 500,000 votes.
ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS PRESIDENT:
I am the first President in U.S. history to enter office with a
criminal
record.
I invaded and occupied two countries at a continuing cost of over one
billion dollars per week. I spent the U.S. surplus and effectively
bankrupted the U.S. Treasury.
I shattered the record for the largest annual deficit in U.S. history.
I
set an economic record for most private bankruptcies filed in any
12-month period.
I set the all-time record for most foreclosures in a 12-month period. I
set the all-time record for the biggest drop in the history of the U.S.
stock market. In my first year in office, over 2 million Americans
lost their jobs and that trend continues every month. I'm proud that
the
members of my cabinet are the richest of any administration in U.S.
history. My "poorest millionaire," Condoleeza Rice, has a Chevron
oil tanker named after her. I set the record for most campaign
fund-raising trips by a U.S. President.
I am the all-time U.S. and world record-holder for receiving the most
corporate campaign donations.
My largest lifetime campaign contributor, and one of my best friends,
Kenneth Lay, presided over the largest corporate bankruptcy fraud in
U.S. History, Enron.
My political party used Enron private jets and corporate attorneys to
assure my success with the U.S. Supreme Court during my election
decision. I have
protected my friends at Enron and Halliburton against investigation or
prosecution. More time and money was spent investigating the Monica
Lewinsky affair than has been spent investigating one of the biggest
corporate rip-offs in history.
I presided over the biggest energy crisis in U.S. history and refused
to
intervene when corruption involving the oil industry was revealed. I
presided over the highest gasoline prices in U.S. history. I changed
the
U.S. policy to allow convicted criminals to be awarded government
contracts. I appointed more convicted criminals to administration than
any President in U.S. history. I created the Ministry of Homeland
Security, the largest bureaucracy in the history of the United States
government. I've broken more international treaties than any President
in U.S. history.
I am the first President in U.S. history to have the United Nations
remove the U.S. from the Human Rights Commission. I withdrew the U.S.
from the World Court of Law. I refused to allow inspectors access to
U.S. "prisoners of war" detainees and thereby have refused to abide by
the Geneva Convention. I am the first President in history to refuse
United Nations election inspectors (during the 2002 U.S. election). I
set the record for fewest number of press conferences of any President
since the advent of TV. I set the all-time record for most days on
vacation in any one-year period. After taking off the entire month of
August, I presided over the worst security failure in U.S. history. I
garnered the most sympathy for the U.S. after the World Trade Center
attacks and less than a year later made the U.S. the most hated country
in the world, the largest failure of diplomacy in world history. I have
set the all-time record for most people worldwide to simultaneously
protest me in public venues (15 million people), shattering the record
for protest against any person in the history of mankind. I am the
first
President in U.S. history to order an unprovoked, pre-emptive attack
and
the military occupation of a sovereign nation. I did so against the
will
of the United Nations, the majority of U.S. citizens, and the world
community.
I have cut health care benefits for war veterans and support a cut in
duty benefits for active duty troops and their families -- in war time.
In my State of the Union Address, I lied about our reasons for
attacking
Iraq, then blamed the lies on our British friends. I am the first
President in history to have a majority of Europeans (71%) view my
presidency as the biggest threat to world peace and security. I am
supporting development of a nuclear "Tactical Bunker Buster," a WMD.
I have so far failed to fulfill my pledge to bring Osama Bin Laden to
justice.
RECORDS AND REFERENCES:
All records of my tenure as governor of Texas are now in my father's
library, sealed and unavailable for public view. All records of SEC
investigations into my insider trading and my bankrupt companies are
sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view. All records or
minutes from meetings that I, or my Vice-President, attended regarding
public energy policy are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public
review.
PLEASE CONSIDER MY EXPERIENCE WHEN VOTING IN 2004, AND FORWARD MY
RESUME
TO EVERY VOTER YOU KNOW. THANK YOU.
</lj-cut>
This would be funny if it wasnt true.
Scary scary stuff
<lj-cut text="resume">
George W. Bush
The White House, USA
EDUCATION AND EXPERIENCE:
LAW ENFORCEMENT
I was arrested in Kennebunkport, Maine, in 1976 for driving under the
influence of alcohol.
I pled guilty, paid a fine, and had my driver's license suspended for
30
days.
My Texas driving record has been "lost" and is not available.
MILITARY:
I joined the Texas Air National Guard and went AWOL. I refused to take
a
drug test or answer any questions about my drug use. By joining the
Texas Air National Guard, I was able to avoid combat duty in Vietnam.
COLLEGE:
I graduated from Yale University with a low C average. I was a
cheerleader.
PAST WORK EXPERIENCE:
I ran for U.S. Congress and lost.
I began my career in the oil business in Midland, Texas, in 1975. I
bought an oil company, but couldn't find any oil in Texas. The company
went bankrupt shortly after I sold all my stock. I bought the Texas
Rangers baseball team in a sweetheart deal that took and used taxpayer
money.
With the help of my father and our right-wing friends in the oil
industry (including Enron CEO Ken Lay), I was elected governor of
Texas.
ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS GOVERNOR OF TEXAS:
I changed Texas pollution laws to favor power and oil companies, making
Texas the most polluted state in the Union. During my tenure, Houston
replaced Los Angeles as the most smog-ridden city in America.
I cut taxes and bankrupted the Texas treasury to the tune of billions
in
borrowed money.
I set the record for the most executions by any governor in American
history.
With the help of my brother, the governor of Florida, and my father's
appointments to the Supreme Court, I became President after losing by
over 500,000 votes.
ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS PRESIDENT:
I am the first President in U.S. history to enter office with a
criminal
record.
I invaded and occupied two countries at a continuing cost of over one
billion dollars per week. I spent the U.S. surplus and effectively
bankrupted the U.S. Treasury.
I shattered the record for the largest annual deficit in U.S. history.
I
set an economic record for most private bankruptcies filed in any
12-month period.
I set the all-time record for most foreclosures in a 12-month period. I
set the all-time record for the biggest drop in the history of the U.S.
stock market. In my first year in office, over 2 million Americans
lost their jobs and that trend continues every month. I'm proud that
the
members of my cabinet are the richest of any administration in U.S.
history. My "poorest millionaire," Condoleeza Rice, has a Chevron
oil tanker named after her. I set the record for most campaign
fund-raising trips by a U.S. President.
I am the all-time U.S. and world record-holder for receiving the most
corporate campaign donations.
My largest lifetime campaign contributor, and one of my best friends,
Kenneth Lay, presided over the largest corporate bankruptcy fraud in
U.S. History, Enron.
My political party used Enron private jets and corporate attorneys to
assure my success with the U.S. Supreme Court during my election
decision. I have
protected my friends at Enron and Halliburton against investigation or
prosecution. More time and money was spent investigating the Monica
Lewinsky affair than has been spent investigating one of the biggest
corporate rip-offs in history.
I presided over the biggest energy crisis in U.S. history and refused
to
intervene when corruption involving the oil industry was revealed. I
presided over the highest gasoline prices in U.S. history. I changed
the
U.S. policy to allow convicted criminals to be awarded government
contracts. I appointed more convicted criminals to administration than
any President in U.S. history. I created the Ministry of Homeland
Security, the largest bureaucracy in the history of the United States
government. I've broken more international treaties than any President
in U.S. history.
I am the first President in U.S. history to have the United Nations
remove the U.S. from the Human Rights Commission. I withdrew the U.S.
from the World Court of Law. I refused to allow inspectors access to
U.S. "prisoners of war" detainees and thereby have refused to abide by
the Geneva Convention. I am the first President in history to refuse
United Nations election inspectors (during the 2002 U.S. election). I
set the record for fewest number of press conferences of any President
since the advent of TV. I set the all-time record for most days on
vacation in any one-year period. After taking off the entire month of
August, I presided over the worst security failure in U.S. history. I
garnered the most sympathy for the U.S. after the World Trade Center
attacks and less than a year later made the U.S. the most hated country
in the world, the largest failure of diplomacy in world history. I have
set the all-time record for most people worldwide to simultaneously
protest me in public venues (15 million people), shattering the record
for protest against any person in the history of mankind. I am the
first
President in U.S. history to order an unprovoked, pre-emptive attack
and
the military occupation of a sovereign nation. I did so against the
will
of the United Nations, the majority of U.S. citizens, and the world
community.
I have cut health care benefits for war veterans and support a cut in
duty benefits for active duty troops and their families -- in war time.
In my State of the Union Address, I lied about our reasons for
attacking
Iraq, then blamed the lies on our British friends. I am the first
President in history to have a majority of Europeans (71%) view my
presidency as the biggest threat to world peace and security. I am
supporting development of a nuclear "Tactical Bunker Buster," a WMD.
I have so far failed to fulfill my pledge to bring Osama Bin Laden to
justice.
RECORDS AND REFERENCES:
All records of my tenure as governor of Texas are now in my father's
library, sealed and unavailable for public view. All records of SEC
investigations into my insider trading and my bankrupt companies are
sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view. All records or
minutes from meetings that I, or my Vice-President, attended regarding
public energy policy are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public
review.
PLEASE CONSIDER MY EXPERIENCE WHEN VOTING IN 2004, AND FORWARD MY
RESUME
TO EVERY VOTER YOU KNOW. THANK YOU.
</lj-cut>
2 Replies and 706 Views in Total.
Hey! I'm doing a presentation tomorrow on almost the exact same thing, only really it's only what he's done since becoming President. Sorry to go a little off topic, but I have categories acheivements, promises, setbacks/failures and changes - need another, what's a better way of saying 'Being a poophead'? Seriously! I'm really stuck! 
Posted: 23:43 Feb 04 2004