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LMFAO!! Brilliant! 
Posted: 14:57 Mar 05 2004
You point the muzzel towards the evil-doers
The following warnings were issued by the American military to their own troops.
"Aim towards the enemy." - Instruction printed on US Rocket Launcher.
"When the pin is pulled, Mr Grenade is not our friend." - US Marine Corps.
"Cluster bombing from B-52s is very, very accurate. The bombs are guaranteed to always hit the ground." - USAF Ammo Troop.
"If the enemy is in range, so are you." - Infantry Journal.
"A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what is left of your unit." - Army's magazine of preventive maintenance.
"It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed." - U.S. Air Force Manual.
"Try to look unimportant; they may be low on ammo." - Infantry Journal.
"Tracers work both ways." - US Army Ordnance.
"Five-second fuses only last three seconds." - Infantry Journal.
"Any ship can be a minesweeper... once." - Anon.
"Do not draw fire; it irritates the people around you." - Your comrades.
"Aim towards the enemy." - Instruction printed on US Rocket Launcher.
"When the pin is pulled, Mr Grenade is not our friend." - US Marine Corps.
"Cluster bombing from B-52s is very, very accurate. The bombs are guaranteed to always hit the ground." - USAF Ammo Troop.
"If the enemy is in range, so are you." - Infantry Journal.
"A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what is left of your unit." - Army's magazine of preventive maintenance.
"It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed." - U.S. Air Force Manual.
"Try to look unimportant; they may be low on ammo." - Infantry Journal.
"Tracers work both ways." - US Army Ordnance.
"Five-second fuses only last three seconds." - Infantry Journal.
"Any ship can be a minesweeper... once." - Anon.
"Do not draw fire; it irritates the people around you." - Your comrades.
3 Replies and 666 Views in Total.
Posted: 14:57 Mar 05 2004 
In a similar vein;
After a flight pilots fill out "gripe" sheets on their aircrafts performance & handling etc.
(P - The problem logged by the pilot.)
(S - The solution and action taken by the mechanics.)
P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for.
P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.
After a flight pilots fill out "gripe" sheets on their aircrafts performance & handling etc.
(P - The problem logged by the pilot.)
(S - The solution and action taken by the mechanics.)
P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for.
P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.
Posted: 17:31 Mar 05 2004 Ditto!
by Me
LMFAO!! Brilliant!
Posted: 11:52 Mar 08 2004