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Rule for men: If you annoy us, then you'll get nothing from us, you will be sleeping on the couch, and you won't get any until you apologise! 
Posted: 09:38 Mar 11 2004
Rules for your Lady!
Just face it girl, this is how it is!
Finally, the guys' side of the story.
We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules! Please note: these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up. You need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. I AM in shape. Round is a shape.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as football, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes!
1. You have too many bags!
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
Finally, the guys' side of the story.
We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules! Please note: these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up. You need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. I AM in shape. Round is a shape.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as football, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes!
1. You have too many bags!
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
15 Replies and 1840 Views in Total.
Posted: 09:38 Mar 11 2004 
by Byron
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
Reading really is difficult isn't it
by lizzieslayer
Rule for men: If you annoy us, then you'll get nothing from us, you will be sleeping on the couch, and you won't get any until you apologise!
Posted: 09:48 Mar 11 2004 Just highlighting what men are missing...And yes a couch ressembles a tent, woodland and no running water
Posted: 15:33 Mar 11 2004 LMAO
by The Noid
(quotes)
(quotes)
Reading really is difficult isn't it
What you girls don't realise is that we guys train from an early age to turn a duvet into a tent and have our own pretend camp-outs just so we're prepared for this very situation
by lizzieslayer
Posted: 18:12 Mar 11 2004 
And then there's the guys who can just about fall asleep anywhere with no major problem or discomfort... (eg: any male member of my family, me included)
Posted: 18:31 Mar 11 2004 
Alan: my husband is like that... falls asleep anywhere, anytime (though not when driving obviously ) and a brass band could march past him and he wouldn't wake up.. Joel is a bit like that too. I'm not, which is just as well, because he never hears either of the kids if they wake up through the night
And the toilet seat thing... why is that such a big issue? Because it isn't in my house. If the loo seat is up when i need to go, i just put it down... what's the point in complaining about it, because it's quicker to just put it down than complain about it being up in the first place.
) and a brass band could march past him and he wouldn't wake up.. Joel is a bit like that too. I'm not, which is just as well, because he never hears either of the kids if they wake up through the night And the toilet seat thing... why is that such a big issue? Because it isn't in my house. If the loo seat is up when i need to go, i just put it down... what's the point in complaining about it, because it's quicker to just put it down than complain about it being up in the first place.
Posted: 19:22 Mar 11 2004 I don't complain about it (much) but in my house with 3 men/boys using the loo and none of them being a very good aim I detest touching it, lol.
by Keenangel
And the toilet seat thing... why is that such a big issue?
Posted: 19:29 Mar 11 2004 my only issue is the sprinkling too at least clean up after yourselves, oh and to also shut the door cos my bedroom is like right next door, smells waft and noises drift
by Teresa
(quotes)
I don't complain about it (much) but in my house with 3 men/boys using the loo and none of them being a very good aim I detest touching it, lol.
*ack*
Posted: 19:55 Mar 11 2004 Yeah and why can't men ever get it in the toilet!
by Teresa
(quotes)
I don't complain about it (much) but in my house with 3 men/boys using the loo and none of them being a very good aim I detest touching it, lol.
Posted: 22:40 Mar 11 2004
Ah, never thought of that... but my two men must aim very well because we don't have that problem
Posted: 23:56 Mar 11 2004
Guess you never received our replies
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it
down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us bitching
about you
leaving it down.
That makes the toilet look ugly. the toilet seat was invented my a man, learn to aim better!
1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
23 to 28th day = bitchy as hell, live with that too!
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
True, we just dont like to think "It's cheep, it fits, who cares if it looks like a clowns outfit!"
1. Crying is blackmail.
Crying is an accepted release of emotion. try it. Oh no, it isn't Manly!
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do
not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just
say it!
Like your "fancy a shag?" So sexy! real turn on.
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
Whats the answer to a happy life? whats the answer to the life, the universe and everything? (bet you're all thinking 42 now arent you. well thats aint yes or no!)
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's
what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
OK, just wait until you get your first bout of impotence, then you'll want sympathy from us, not like you're gonna tell your guy friends and ask for a solution!
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
We lied to spare your feelings, we dont fancy you any more!
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact,
all comments become null and void after 7 days.
You forget what was said yesterday!
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
We dont, they cheat, lie, cover up... maybe you are Soap Opera guys?
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to
answer.
but you do answer, and make things worse!
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways
makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
Yeah! Good one!
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done.
Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
If you get it right first time we wont. trouble is (as you show when making love to a women) you pretty much know nowt about most things!
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during
commercials.
cant multi task then. shame, we can. studies have proved it.
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.
Yeah, but why are native americans called Indians? Becaus ehe thought he'd found India!! DUH!
1. ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings. Peach,
for example, is a fruit, not a colour. We have no idea what mauve is.
So? thats what swatches are for.
1. I AM in shape. Round is a shape.
So is square!
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like
nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the
hassle.
So nice to be appriceated! We love you even more now
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer
you don't want to hear.
"You call that 6 inches?" i usually get a yes. i dont want to hear it so you're right there.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine.
Really!!!!
Yeah, right! only so you can go about in jeans and t-shirt and get us turned away from clubs. then u'd have someone else to blame too!
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as football, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.
As long as you can talk wedding plans, pleated skirts vs mini's and max factor vs loreal. Oh, thats right, you dont ask what we're thinking, you dont care.
1. You have enough clothes.
You have too much hair.
1. You have too many shoes.
You have too few.
1. You have too many bags!
Thanks to child birth to your children!
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
Yeah, we'd noticed. odd how people dont do it in front of the president or Nelson Mandela though? Huh!
Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch
tonight, but did you know we really don't mind that, it's like
camping.
No loo, sleeping on the ground, no runing water, no cooking devices, no heating. Wow, rou really ARE decended from apes, they like it that way too!
And finally, cant you men count? it's not hard, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, and it goes on and on into billions and trillions.
and just in case you have more arguments
1. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we
can find the perfect present yet again!
We dont ask for perfection in gifts, just that you remmeber.
1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
Actually, our lived dont revolve around you either, much as yoyr ego liked to think otherwise!
1. Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than
short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that
married women always cut their hair, and by then your stuck with her.
Hmm, intelligence, personality, good looks an you choose hair! what about frizzy haired women, it it all right to look like dianna ross on a bad hair day?
1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a
calendar.
Remind us frequently beforehand.
Yet you remember all the impertant sports dates? So football = more important than us? Nice!
1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd
be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good
with your dress?
For some odd reason we appriceate your opinion. BTW, you should really ask us a bit more often too!!!!!!!! those pants and that shirt! not all men are colour blind!
1. Check your oil! Please!!!!
But there has to be something you're good for!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
1. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.
No it's not, it's just an excuse. maybe we'll ogle mens crotches, you know, compair size....
1. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months
we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.
Uh, wernt you saying earlier to whine to girlfriends not you? what do you want from us, blood!
1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading
ability is not proof of how little we care about you.
No, it's proof of how little insight you have.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to
discuss such topics as navel lint, the offside rule, or motor bikes.
We are, you just put it so boringly.
1. It is neither in your best interest or ours to take the quiz together.
No, it doesn't matter which quiz.
Afrade you'll be overshadowed? dont worry, it's a common feeling in a Patrichatchy.
1. BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.
So is wine for us. let us order sometimes and you might get something decent!
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it
down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us bitching
about you
leaving it down.
That makes the toilet look ugly. the toilet seat was invented my a man, learn to aim better!
1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
23 to 28th day = bitchy as hell, live with that too!
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
True, we just dont like to think "It's cheep, it fits, who cares if it looks like a clowns outfit!"
1. Crying is blackmail.
Crying is an accepted release of emotion. try it. Oh no, it isn't Manly!
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do
not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just
say it!
Like your "fancy a shag?" So sexy! real turn on.
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
Whats the answer to a happy life? whats the answer to the life, the universe and everything? (bet you're all thinking 42 now arent you. well thats aint yes or no!)
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's
what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
OK, just wait until you get your first bout of impotence, then you'll want sympathy from us, not like you're gonna tell your guy friends and ask for a solution!
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
We lied to spare your feelings, we dont fancy you any more!
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact,
all comments become null and void after 7 days.
You forget what was said yesterday!
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
We dont, they cheat, lie, cover up... maybe you are Soap Opera guys?
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to
answer.
but you do answer, and make things worse!
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways
makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
Yeah! Good one!
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done.
Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
If you get it right first time we wont. trouble is (as you show when making love to a women) you pretty much know nowt about most things!
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during
commercials.
cant multi task then. shame, we can. studies have proved it.
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.
Yeah, but why are native americans called Indians? Becaus ehe thought he'd found India!! DUH!
1. ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings. Peach,
for example, is a fruit, not a colour. We have no idea what mauve is.
So? thats what swatches are for.
1. I AM in shape. Round is a shape.
So is square!
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like
nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the
hassle.
So nice to be appriceated! We love you even more now
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer
you don't want to hear.
"You call that 6 inches?" i usually get a yes. i dont want to hear it so you're right there.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine.
Really!!!!
Yeah, right! only so you can go about in jeans and t-shirt and get us turned away from clubs. then u'd have someone else to blame too!
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as football, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.
As long as you can talk wedding plans, pleated skirts vs mini's and max factor vs loreal. Oh, thats right, you dont ask what we're thinking, you dont care.
1. You have enough clothes.
You have too much hair.
1. You have too many shoes.
You have too few.
1. You have too many bags!
Thanks to child birth to your children!
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
Yeah, we'd noticed. odd how people dont do it in front of the president or Nelson Mandela though? Huh!
Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch
tonight, but did you know we really don't mind that, it's like
camping.
No loo, sleeping on the ground, no runing water, no cooking devices, no heating. Wow, rou really ARE decended from apes, they like it that way too!
And finally, cant you men count? it's not hard, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, and it goes on and on into billions and trillions.
and just in case you have more arguments
1. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we
can find the perfect present yet again!
We dont ask for perfection in gifts, just that you remmeber.
1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
Actually, our lived dont revolve around you either, much as yoyr ego liked to think otherwise!
1. Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than
short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that
married women always cut their hair, and by then your stuck with her.
Hmm, intelligence, personality, good looks an you choose hair! what about frizzy haired women, it it all right to look like dianna ross on a bad hair day?
1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a
calendar.
Remind us frequently beforehand.
Yet you remember all the impertant sports dates? So football = more important than us? Nice!
1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd
be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good
with your dress?
For some odd reason we appriceate your opinion. BTW, you should really ask us a bit more often too!!!!!!!! those pants and that shirt! not all men are colour blind!
1. Check your oil! Please!!!!
But there has to be something you're good for!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
1. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.
No it's not, it's just an excuse. maybe we'll ogle mens crotches, you know, compair size....
1. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months
we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.
Uh, wernt you saying earlier to whine to girlfriends not you? what do you want from us, blood!
1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading
ability is not proof of how little we care about you.
No, it's proof of how little insight you have.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to
discuss such topics as navel lint, the offside rule, or motor bikes.
We are, you just put it so boringly.
1. It is neither in your best interest or ours to take the quiz together.
No, it doesn't matter which quiz.
Afrade you'll be overshadowed? dont worry, it's a common feeling in a Patrichatchy.
1. BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.
So is wine for us. let us order sometimes and you might get something decent!
Posted: 01:28 Mar 12 2004
I've decided not to comment on most of the comments here (darn that pesky survival instinct! ) but I must confess I'm the only bloke in my uni flat who actually puts the seat up when using the loo and down again afterwards, and hell, (mostly 'cos for some seemingly inexplicable reason, I find it disgusting...) even clean the seat when I find my git flatmates haven't been quite so kind in that respect...
*decides to take cover*
) but I must confess I'm the only bloke in my uni flat who actually puts the seat up when using the loo and down again afterwards, and hell, (mostly 'cos for some seemingly inexplicable reason, I find it disgusting...) even clean the seat when I find my git flatmates haven't been quite so kind in that respect...*decides to take cover
*
Posted: 13:27 Mar 12 2004 
I'd make a comment but I hear a rumour that m girlfriend comes here occasionally and I wouild like to live.
I would like to say that both ends of the argument are the most extreme cases. Blokes only get like this when they don't care anymore, but can't be bothered to go through the stress of ending it.
See we have layers, and we can do subtle as well
I would like to say that both ends of the argument are the most extreme cases. Blokes only get like this when they don't care anymore, but can't be bothered to go through the stress of ending it.
See we have layers, and we can do subtle as well
Posted: 13:50 Mar 12 2004