Big, big *hugs* to everyone here.

I recognise a lot of things about me in your posts, things I didn't say in mine though I could have done. I've learned, if not to love myself, at least to get along with me, but it's a hard road.

And with the paranoia: yes! This is it, and part of why I feel I don't make friends. Because I still find it hard to believe people like me But I know now that there *are* people who like me (my fiance, my brother, my dog) and that helps.

Also, I'd like to say that all of the people who've said here that they have problems liking themselves are people I've seen here and thought seemed among the most sincere and likeable people on the site

(Edited by White Hart 15/03/2002 08:48)

ok there with the depression thing i work 12 hour shifts and this can play havoc on your social life (or f*** it up compleatly ) trust is a big issue when you work nights and weekends (where is your partner! and u soon find out who your friends are when they do mess around (cynical b****** me!only happened twice!) so to answer the question no i am not happy .
what is life without love ?

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by zepherine
Hell, Random, way to tug the heart strings. It's really upset me reading some of these posts. You might not have wanted a mass hand wringing but you sure got something close.

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Yeah... I'm a bit shaken by that.

I knew there would be posts from people who couldn't, for one reason or another, see what fine souls they were. That's certainly happened. I also expected to see more than a few unlikeable people saying how wonderful they were: that hasn't happened.

But basically, I posted without the intent to provoke any specific reaction: I posted because we so often don't have time to stop, think, and assess unless something like this makes us. I hope people like Jayjay and MissKitty found articulating their feelings has helped them - I don't know either of them personally myself, but I know people who do and whose judgement I trust, and they both seem like fine people to me. I'm sure there are more than a few private e-mails flying around as a result of this: I intend to send a couple myself when I get a moment.

You may have noticed that I didn't answer my own question when I posted it. The reason was that I wanted people to react to the question and not to my answer. I didn't want to set the tone of the following discussion. But now it's time to 'fess up.

My answer is a big, fat overwhelming 'no'. I never really have. As a kid there was a lack of confidence, in my teens and 20s there was an equally debilitating lack of assertiveness. Now, in my 30s, both of those problems are mostly cracked and I know from the outside I look likeable. Probably more than just likeable. Quite a lot of people call me their friend. Some trust me deeply. Hell, 4997 were even prepared to vote for me to be their Member of Parliament. None of them can see what I see: the me inside. There's a core personality buried deep in there that I hate, and you would too if it ever came to the surface. So I live my life being , all the while feeling like a fraud because inside is .

And my biggest fear is that one day that side of me might take over.

This quote is, I believe, attributed to Charles de Gaulle, but I may be wrong about that. The story goes that a journalist interviewing de Gaulle asked him this question, 'Are you happy?' De Gaulle replied 'What do you think I am, an idiot?'

Everyone has times when they are happy with themselves, and likewise everyone has moments of despair and self doubt. It is part of the human condition.

Someone who professes themselves to be 100% happy with themselves is a fool or a liar.

There is no easy answer, there is no manual for living. Mostly, people make it up as they go along, they try to fill roles they are unfamiliar with and over time those roles change: student, employee, friend, husband, grandparent, boss.

We pursue an ideal in all these roles, we try to do the best we can with limited guidance, we are our own harshest and most unforgiving critics and we often lack perspective.

I do not know many of the people who have posted on this thread eloquently about their fears and doubts, but I *know* this: that all of them have brought happiness to someone without ever knowing it, be it a parent or child, a friend who needed a hug or a passerby who they smiled at.

Don't be so hard on yourself. This is life.

That's quite a complicated question, really...
I think I have a good character and I am quite a nice person, but I don't like me much.... It's something I should work on really.

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by Tycho
Yes.

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I am such a good liar.

More yes than no I think. I do tend to think a lot about what other people think of me also. So in the words of Stoo...'ish'

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by misskittyfantastic

I'm extremely paranoid, thinking people are being nice to me and friendly but sometimes I don't think they mean it.

I hate myself because I have no willpower. I can't handle going a day without alcohol (not a funny jokey thing, it's getting serious and I don't know how to stop) and I'm not strong enough to just stop it all.

I'm lazy and don't seem to care, even when it's pointed out to me. I never get round to things.

I get myself into trouble moneywise very easily. I'm in debt up to my eyeballs through my own stupidity and don't know what the hell to do, I think if I ignore the problem it will go away, but it doesn't and I don't even open my letters anymore because I'm too scared of what's inside (debt collectors don't seem to put logos on their envelopes)

I often wonder if anyone would miss me if I wasn't around anymore and mostly I doubt that they would. I often wish I was dead, but I can't even kill myself properly

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Oh my GOD!!! You have explained me within your post!!
Seriously that's me. I too am terrible with money am in loads of debt and don't open letters.
I'm lazy too. I can't go a day without alcohol either and you are right it gets to the point when it's not funny anymore. WOW there are others like me!!!

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by RandomSo I live my life being , all the while feeling like a fraud because inside is

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Sounds very familiar. Except and tend to sit on a shoulder each and use my head as a boxing ring

(Edited by Spikeo 15/03/2002 12:20)

Wow! This is a really interesting thread. I read through most of the posts and I am shocked about how unsure most people are and that they say they dont like themselves.
Evil Willow your answer just made me shudder "Not mostly"??!! You are like...one of the nicest persons I've *ever* met. You are hospitable, you are funny you are just.. way too nice. And I am sure the ones that have met you will second that! Maybe I am overreacting, ok, but *think* about it again.. dont answer so fast, as Random has said. You are a good person and a loyal friend. What else do you want?

Everybody who has stated that they dont particularly like themselves should think about. I dont think it' s *you yourself* who made you think *I am no good*. Most of the time its other people who make you belive it!

As most of you know I've been bullied at school. And they made me hate myself. I thought I couldnt do anything right, or that i must be a bad person because they obviously didnt like me. Nowadays, with the help of my friends, I understood that you should *never* hate yourself. May have happened whatsoever, you cant turn back time. Nobody is perfect, everybody makes mistakes, and although you may think what you have done is sooo bad, it makes you a bad person, it doesnt!!
Thinking it shows how much you care about your mistakes and the people it affected.
Still today I am having self-confidence issues when I am with people I am sure whether they like me.
But , you know, everybody has his weak points, be sad or angry or sorry about it. But never hate yourself!

Carpe diem , everybody. Life is too short..

(Edited by sara-angel 15/03/2002 14:22)

Short answer? Yes, I like myself.

There are things that need work (such as my overreactions to stress, a bad temper when walking in crowded streets and a tendency to lurk here instead of working ), but generally I feel I've got little to worry about. I've had my down periods, periods of stress, overspending, depression and paranoia, but I managed to work through them, and right now, I'm happy. Of course, being in a happy relationship for once is helping, but I was doing better before then.

If I might venture a thought, it seems to me that there are two basic types of people in the world: there are those who try really hard to be popular and have hangers-on, and those who act honestly and have real friends (a gross over-simplification, I admit). I like to think I fall into the second category these days. The point is if you're not making an effort to be popular, but friends hang around with you anyway - there is no way they do it because they have to. It's because they really do like you - and that means there must be something good about you.

And that goes for friends on these boards too - one thing I have noticed is that despite the insulating factor of pseudonyms, people expose far more of themselves on the internet than they do in real life. The real you comes out, whether you want it to or not. (This is presumably because you can't see how people react when you say it.) The downside is that flame wars start very easily, the upside is that your better qualities also shine through.

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by sara-angelEvil Willow your answer just made me shudder "Not mostly"??!! You are like...one of the nicest persons I've *ever* met. You are hospitable, you are funny you are just.. way too nice. And I am sure the ones that have met you will second that!

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Yup

I'm unsure why but a lot of the time it feels more 'comfortable' to fall into the habit of disliking one's self. It feels more natural, almost like some kind of safety blanket...if there isn't negativity around then maybe I get exposed for who I actually am...

</Rambling>

Yes.

I've always been shy, but as long as I can remember I've liked myself. The catch is that I've never expected other people to like me (or remember me after first meetings) - so I'm always pleasantly surprised when they do (and not too disappointed when they don't). Maybe it's stopped me getting bigheaded...or maybe it's indicative of some deepseated somethingorother. Either way, I'm happy as I am, and I realise that I'm probably pretty lucky.

<hugs> to everyone.

My heart goes out to everyone who's posted so eloquently and movingly here about their insecurities. It's so clear to me that you are all kind, thoughtful people - the people who should think about changing are always the ones who never even bother considering how their words or behaviour affect the lives of others.
In answer to the question, I don't think I've ever really liked myself, and, boringly, it's probably down to my father's attitude to me(oh Keeny, I understand so well where you're coming from...).
And now that I have a baby myself, I am so scared that I will do things wrong, that she'll grow into a messed-up adult who ends up hating me.
I love her so much, but the responsibility to make sure she becomes a happy, confident, kind, loving and secure adult is unbearably terrifying.

OK, I've been meaning to post this for a while. No, I don't like myself. I'm a horrible person. And the bit I hate most is that I'm too lazy to actually make any changes.

But, it was probably a good thing that it took me so long to post. It gave me a chance to read everyone else's posts, and they've made me think a lot. I now know that there's quite a few people out there who feel the same as me, and some who feel even worse. And the whole paranoia thing, yup, I know that feeling.